Saturday, March 26, 2011

I'm about to exercise my rights all over your face

This will definitely win souls for Christ.
So I’ve been feeling bad lately for shitting all over so many groups of people for various reasons.  I’m going to assume that I haven’t alienated everyone in the world yet, and that if I have alienated you I’m going to hope against hope that your friends who read this stuff will urge you to read this.

Pointless introductions aside, I got the inspiration to write this little literary gem when I read about the Westboro Baptists and how the
Supreme Court ruled in their favor in a recent case against them, citing the First Amendment.  At first I was going to make an eloquent post explaining, point-by-point with logical examples, how those brand of Christians are retarded assholes.  But then I started reading Bernard Bailyn’s The Ideological Origins of the American Revolution, and how invective was a popular form of political literature at the time.

So, pious members of the Westboro Baptist Church, were you all born retarded or is that something you developed over time?  Please explain to me how you can rationalize this: Jesus comes to earth to tell us that God loves all of us, and that we should love our neighbors as we love ourselves, but you think it’s a good idea to shit all over grieving families?  Do you really think that’s something that Jesus would have done, you arrogant assholes?
Well at least we know there won't be a
shortage of morons to make fun of
in the future.

Whenever you shit all over these people who are grieving over the loss of their dear loved ones, you’re committing something that for ages has been considered to be an action of the lowest degree of human douchebaggery.  Soiling the memory of the dead, which is what you’re doing, has been considered wrong since humans had a sense of right and wrong. Don’t believe me?  Go read the Iliad. I know it’s not the bible, nor is it in plain language that you’d be smart enough to understand, but it does tell us something about what it means to be human.  And it does illustrate how you are all complete shit heads for shitting on the memory of the dead.

"Well, you’re a hypocrite for two reasons.  First, you’re shitting all over the first amendment, and second you’re being just as mean and spiteful as they are.  Would Jesus be so mean and spiteful?"  Thank you, again, HTNS. 

First, I’m not shitting all over the First Amendment.  They are perfectly welcome to be the biggest cock suckers that they can be.  But just because we have the freedom to say or do something, does that mean we should do it?  Are they really winning over souls for Christ by painting themselves to be insensitive morons?  I know I'm not exactly winning over people with the way I present these ideas, but at least I'm not at funerals with picket signs that say "God hates retarded assholes that can't think."

"They're gonna protest what?  *sigh*"
And secondly, yes I’m being mean and spiteful, and no Jesus would not go about it this way.  I do believe, however, that showing people how stupid they are was totally Jesus’ style.  I mean, all he did was walk around and tell the Jewish clergy that they were giant dumbasses because of their retarded interpretation of their religion.

At any rate, I am just exercising my right as an American citizen.  Just as you are free to be as inhumane as possible and shit on your fellow man while he is in mourning, I am free to shit on retarded bigots such as yourselves who have a child’s understanding of God and religion.  God Bless Amurrica!

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