Thursday, April 21, 2011

Top 15 List of Douches, 10-6

Oh yeah, this screams "I'm down with
Civil Rights."
10.  Confederacy sympathizers: If you are proud of your ancestors standing up for states’ rights to hold men, women, and children in bondage then please, drown yourself in the Mississippi.  I explained this whole line of thought at length the other day, but I despise these people enough to mention them in a Top 15 list.

9.  Evolution disbelievers: Yes it’s only a hypothesis, but just because you’re not old enough to have perceived it, does that mean it’s absolutely wrong?  Were you there when Moses parted the Red Sea?  I mean c’mon, there’s like zero actual evidence of the existence of God and you believe in that, right?  So why the hell wouldn’t you believe in something that actually has some physical evidence to it?  And if you think evolution is the ability to willfully grow wings or some insane shit like that, then, you need to stop listening to your pastor and actually go out and read some scholarly shit about evolution.  And remember, knowledge of science doesn’t necessarily conflict with belief in God.

A Swamp Monster
8.  Michael Moore: Not only is he fat and ugly, but he also makes horribly shitty movies based on little more than theory and conjecture.  I mean, why the hell would you make a movie about a horrifying shooting and call it “Bowling for Columbine?”  And what’s worse, you made it into a fucking political rant about the evils of Wal-Mart.  You’re right, you disgusting fuck, it’s Wal-Mart’s fault for selling them ammo.  It’s not their fault for planning the whole thing and blowing away a bunch of their classmates.  It’s called personal responsibility you ugly swamp monster.  Please go fuck yourself to death.

Fucking cunt.  Sorry, couldn't hold it in any
7.  Snookie: This one is self-justifiable.  If you seriously need me to back that one up with a witty remark, then you should be sterilized.  Well, just in case, here goes.  Snookie is a fat, ugly, annoying, mentally handicapped human being who does not deserve to earn the shit on a farmer’s shoes, let alone $100,000 per episode of Jersey Shore.  She is the living embodiment of everything that is wrong with this country.  Kids think she’s the greatest thing because she gets paid beaucoup bucks just for being a loud, obnoxious fucking moron.  Why work hard when all you have to do is act like a stupid whore?

Someone in California dug too deep . . .
6.  Nancy Pelosi: Thank fucking GOD she is no longer Speaker.  The sad thing is that I even know a lot of Democrats who are reluctant to associate themselves with her.  If I knew that I didn’t have any women readers, I’d drop the C word on her, but out of deference for the sentiments of the fairer sex (because I want you to keep reading my blog) I will refrain from that.  But in all seriousness, Nancy Pelosi might be the real life lich king.  She fucking looks like a lich . . .


Silverfiddle said...

Wow! Tell us what you really think!

I do think you're a little hard on the south. There was a lot more to it that slavery (which our founders were also involved in.)

Jack Camwell said...

It's a bit difficult for me to divorce slavery from southern heritage before 1865. And I'm fully aware that some of the Founders owned slaves. Washington is the only one that I know of that freed his slaves upon his death.

I'm not going to say they're the worst people ever, but I am going to be realistic about it.

KP said...

This is a strong 10-6.

Way to spread the prizes!

Jack Camwell said...

I'm all about equal opportunity =D

KP said...

I enjoy the colorful verbage. Hell Yeah. Turn it up. Right on. To paraphrase Montgomery Gentry through a metaphor: I got the gold tooth look from a stiff right hook, from a stand I'm proud I took.

Harrison said...

Hmmm Obama will be in the top 5 who will the other 4 be?