Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Yanks don't commemorate the Civil War, Mila Kunis is fucking hot

Tooling around yahoo! yesterday, looking for an article for today, I came across this one talking about the 150th anniversary of the Civil War, and how northern states seem to care a whole lot less than southern states.

My initial reaction was “well no shit Sherlock, why the fuck would we want to celebrate a war that saw 600,000 American lives extinguished?”  That was me being a dumbass and assuming that everyone thinks just like I do.  But then I remembered that most Americans don’t have a good grasp of American history (or anything for that matter), so I figured I would go off on a diatribe about the Civil War and how the history of it has been raped over time.

And when I say rape, I don’t mean like America wanted it, but the guy pissed her off and then she accuses him of rape (I’m sure some idiot women are going to shit on me for that one, but guess what ladies: it happens).  I mean full on rape, like no-means-no type shit.

Enough imagery.  It’s not surprising that the American South is all about celebrating the Civil War.  I don’t have anything against battle reenactments or shit like that, but they also throw like huge galas and what not.  What that says to me is that the South cherishes a different time in America, where white men dominated the lives of black men, and they were more profitable from slave labor.

How many of them are thinking, "man, I really dig Martin
Luther King Jr.'s style"?

“That’s just inflammatory bullshit Jack!  They’re just celebrating Southern heritage.”  Well, how the hell can you celebrate southern heritage and ignore the fact that about 200 years of their heritage involved brutal slavery?  Those rich planters owed their entire way of life to the bondage of their fellow men.  Why the fuck would you want to celebrate that?

Northerners tend to not give a shit because the North was just doing what it was supposed to.  Those southern fucktards had the audacity to try to secede from the Union, which by the way, was illegal.  And not only that, but we know that most northerners didn’t even really give a shit about slavery and were every bit as racist as the South.  The abolitionist movement was not as ubiquitous in the North as we’d love to believe.  In fact, most abolitionist agitators like Wendell Phillips rolled around with body-guards because they were rabble rousers.

Any Southern who refers to the Civil War as the “War of Northern Aggression,” should be hit in the face with the heaviest history book within reach.  Not just for the sheer philosophical reason that Constitutionally they were not allowed to secede (“We the people . . .” not “We the States . . .” you ignorant assholes), but because of the plain historical fact that it was they who fired first.  Sure we can say “well Lincoln provoked them,” but if you read Richard Hofstadter’s American Political Tradition, you’ll see that Lincoln had little choice to go about things the way he did.

So I'm guessing the guy that made this shirt doesn't get
the concept of irony . . .

Any person who believes that the Civil War was justified because slavery was wrong (whether or not it was fought over slavery specifically), or because the southern states were not within their rights to rebel and try to leave the Union, would not celebrate the Civil War.  Anyone who believes that war sucks ass, and that the massive loss of life is always a bad thing, would never celebrate a war.

“Oh well they don’t celebrate it Jack, you moron.  They commemorate it.”  Bullshit.  Those fucks celebrate it, because deep down they still believe they should have been allowed to secede, and they view their ancestors as heroes who defended their rights.  In essence, they’re celebrating the defense of their right to take away the rights of others.

I mean, that’s what Southern culture was like during the Civil War.  Now who in the fuck would celebrate that?


Harrison said...

Mila Kunis got short changed here.

Jack Camwell said...

Noted. I will rectify this situation immediately.

Silverfiddle said...

Well... at the risk of getting flamed, slavery was not the whole of the culture.

We had slaver in this country for almost the entire first century. Should we throw all that out with the bathwater as well?

Jack Camwell said...

You'll never get flamed here, at least not by me anyway.

I understand that slavery was not the whole of the culture, but it was extremely pervasive. Racial slavery was more than just slavery, it was a way for whites to assert their control over blacks. When indentured servitude ended, slavery became 100% racial as a means to keep the poor whites happy, as they would not be at the bottom rung of southern society.

When the Southerners celebrate southern culture with big historical galas, you have to remember that historically those galas were funded off the backs of those in bondage.