Tooling around yahoo! yesterday, looking for an article for today, I came across this one talking about the 150th anniversary of the Civil War, and how northern states seem to care a whole lot less than southern states.
My initial reaction was “well no shit Sherlock, why the fuck would we want to celebrate a war that saw 600,000 American lives extinguished?” That was me being a dumbass and assuming that everyone thinks just like I do. But then I remembered that most Americans don’t have a good grasp of American history (or anything for that matter), so I figured I would go off on a diatribe about the Civil War and how the history of it has been raped over time.
And when I say rape, I don’t mean like America wanted it, but the guy pissed her off and then she accuses him of rape (I’m sure some idiot women are going to shit on me for that one, but guess what ladies: it happens). I mean full on rape, like no-means-no type shit.
Enough imagery. It’s not surprising that the American South is all about celebrating the Civil War. I don’t have anything against battle reenactments or shit like that, but they also throw like huge galas and what not. What that says to me is that the South cherishes a different time in America, where white men dominated the lives of black men, and they were more profitable from slave labor.
How many of them are thinking, "man, I really dig Martin
Luther King Jr.'s style"?
“That’s just inflammatory bullshit Jack! They’re just celebrating Southern heritage.” Well, how the hell can you celebrate southern heritage and ignore the fact that about 200 years of their heritage involved brutal slavery? Those rich planters owed their entire way of life to the bondage of their fellow men. Why the fuck would you want to celebrate that?
Northerners tend to not give a shit because the North was just doing what it was supposed to. Those southern fucktards had the audacity to try to secede from the Union, which by the way, was illegal. And not only that, but we know that most northerners didn’t even really give a shit about slavery and were every bit as racist as the South. The abolitionist movement was not as ubiquitous in the North as we’d love to believe. In fact, most abolitionist agitators like Wendell Phillips rolled around with body-guards because they were rabble rousers.
Any Southern who refers to the Civil War as the “War of Northern Aggression,” should be hit in the face with the heaviest history book within reach. Not just for the sheer philosophical reason that Constitutionally they were not allowed to secede (“We the people . . .” not “We the States . . .” you ignorant assholes), but because of the plain historical fact that it was they who fired first. Sure we can say “well Lincoln provoked them,” but if you read Richard Hofstadter’s American Political Tradition, you’ll see that Lincoln had little choice to go about things the way he did.
So I'm guessing the guy that made this shirt doesn't get
the concept of irony . . .
“Oh well they don’t celebrate it Jack, you moron. They commemorate it.” Bullshit. Those fucks celebrate it, because deep down they still believe they should have been allowed to secede, and they view their ancestors as heroes who defended their rights. In essence, they’re celebrating the defense of their right to take away the rights of others.
I mean, that’s what Southern culture was like during the Civil War. Now who in the fuck would celebrate that?