Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Why the Buckeyes can eat my ass

Fuck you and your bullshit.
I’m going to come right out and say it: I’m a Michigan fan.  I know, I know.  I’ve fucking heard it all by this point.  “You’re just a contrarian!”  “You’re a traitor!”  “How the hell can you grow up in Buckeye central and be a Michigan fan???”

Well I started rooting for Michigan when I was really young, too young to understand the game of football.  If I remember correctly, I think at the time I thought their colors and helmets were neat (I must have been like 6 years old).  As the years went on, and I started to understand the game itself, I stuck with them out of a sense of fan loyalty.

Once I became cognizant of the “Buckeye Nation,” and the nature of being a Buckeye fan, I felt even further justified in my decision to root for the Wolverines (not just on the big game every year, but for their entire season).  I soon discovered that many, if not most, Buckeye fans are rabid about it and take way too much pride in the team.  It’s probably because there’s no pro football team that’s ever worth a shit in Ohio, so they go nuts over OSU success.

They have all sorts of songs about how much they hate the team itself, about how they “don’t give a damn about the whole state of Michigan.”  They literally look down upon Michigan fans.  Any time I tell someone that I’m a Michigan fan for the first time, they look at me funny and make fun of me because of how much they’ve beaten the Wolverines in the last 10 years.  Nevermind the fact that the Wolverines dominated the Buckeyes for nearly 20 years during the Cooper era.  But history to them only matters when it’s filled with Buckeye wins.

It was around 2002 or so when the Buckeyes beat Michigan and the campus, which is incredibly fucking large, erupted in an actual, real-deal riot.  Fans overturned cars, set dumpsters on fire, and caused general bedlam.  The stupid part was that the Buckeyes fucking WON.  During my time in the Navy, whenever I told someone that I was from Ohio, they would look at me as though they had just scraped off barnacles, or as if they had just got done bilge diving, and they’d sneer “eww, you’re a Buckeye fan aren’t you?”

A lesson that even good men can break the rules.
As if this wasn’t enough to convince me that my loyalty is well placed, I once drove to Indiana to watch Michigan, in person, beat the hell out of IU (I’ve always considered that a qualifier for my legitimate fanship).  I got to meet some people from Ann Arbor, and I asked them how they like coming down to Columbus.  “We don’t go down to Columbus anymore.  We’ve been spit on, cussed at, and even had bottles thrown at us.  That just doesn’t happen up in Ann Arbor.”  I believe them, because it didn’t happen to me in Indiana.

Now we’ve got this whole NCAA violation stuff and Jim Tressel resigning.  I don’t really have anything against him as a coach.  He’s a fairly decent man and an excellent coach.  But the scandal surrounding the team right now is exactly why I can’t ever be a Buckeye: this town worships these asshole kids, and these kids act like giant douchebags because of it.
First off, guys like Prior are on full scholarships.  They get free housing, free food, free books, and free education all because they’re good at football.  So when they say that they had to sell their memorabilia for food and lodging, I find that to be a huge pile of horseshit, especially when they also reveal that they were using their status to get “loaner,” cars from local dealers.

I know that OSU is not the only college where this goes on, but fuck them anyway.  That shit head Gordon Gee, when asked about whether or not he would dismiss Tressel for trying to cover-up the violations, said “I just hope Coach Tressel won’t dismiss me!”  That’s not funny you fucking asshole, seeing as how you’re the god damned president of the University.  Last I checked, University is not code for “football school.”  You’re a fucking joke, Gee.

These players are douche bags as well.  Prior sold his Gold Pants awards, which are school awards for beating Michigan.  How much of a huge asshole do you have to be to sell a fucking school award to a drug-dealing tattoo artist just to get a discount on the tattoo?

I am insanely jealous of the cougar (or what the fuck
ever that thing is supposed to be).
How the hell do we solve this bullshit attitude and the ridiculousness of college football players?  I don’t know, but I would imagine that cutting scholarship money would be a good start.  These fucking kids think they have it made because they’re athletes, and that has clearly hindered their growth into decent human beings.  Secondly, this town needs to shit on these kids more.  Stop worshipping them, especially when they can’t win national championships.

So that’s why the Buckeyes can eat my ass.  Go Blue!

1 comment:

KP said...

I hope you enjoy Coach Brady Hoke as much as we at San Diego State did -- and as much as we currently enjoy Steve Fisher, your ex basketball coach. Both are class acts.