Sunday, September 18, 2011
Let's Make Life Taste Like Shit
"Jack, you asshat, people need to have healthy options these days, what with the rise in obesity and obesity related conditions in America!" Don't think that I'm saying living a healthy lifestyle is all bunk. I'm not one of those who will shit on the way someone lives their life. In fact, a good friend of mine has committed himself to eating a very healthy diet, and he's even recently gone vegetarian for health reasons. I applaud that kind of stuff.
But why are we telling restaurants that they need to shape up? Michelle Obama recently "applauded," Olive Garden and Red Lobster for pledging to include healther options on their menus. I find that kind of sad, to be honest.
Hear me out.
Why did people used to cook with straight pig fat? Well, that's because pig fat tastes fucking amazing. One time I had these incredibly thick pork ribs. These fuckers must have come from like a genetically enhanced super-pig, because they were god damned gargantuan. Anywho, there was so much meat on it that the layer of pork fat was about an inch thick. Some of you might be thinking "eww, gross," but let me tell you: you could barely tell the difference between the meat and the fat.
There are so many things out there that have amazing tastes, and some people seek to limit their use or eliminate them altogether from our diets. Let's take Olive Garden for example. I happen to know the recipe for their alfredo sauce, and I can actually do a decent job at making it from scratch and have it not taste like ass. The recipe calls for whole whipping cream and six, count 'em six, egg yolks. That's heart-attack-on-a-plate material right there.
Because of the ingredients, it has a richness and a flavor that a healther alfredo sauce just doesn't have. Could you imagine cutting back on the butter in shrimp scampi? These meals are insanely unhealthy, but holy shit do they taste good. The thing is, however, is that although it's noble to try to get people to eat healthier, there are plenty of people out there who indulge in these decadent meals and still maintain a perfect bill of health.
I mean, look at our grandparents for Christ sake. They grew up on cooking their foot in straight cooking lard. They salted the piss out of their food, and they deep fried shit in peanut oil or whatever is unhealthier than canola. I've only had one of my grandparents die before the age of 85, and that's because he smoked like a chimney and wrecked the shit out of his lungs. Hell, all three of the great-grandparents that I knew all lived over the age of 93.
We have to realize that everyone's physiology is different, and just because some people's bodies don't handle unhealthy foods as well as others doesn't mean that we need to make everyone eat healthy all the time. As with anything in life, the key is moderation.
I don't think this is some grand conspiracy to sterilyze life or anything, but it kinda makes me worry that this would be the outcome.