Friday, January 20, 2012

So Gary Busey walks into a bar . . .

. . . and asks the bar tender what the happy hour specials are.  The bar tender says "the only happy hour special we have is jack and coke."

Gary says, "okay, I'll have the happy hour special."  The bar tender nods, and then gives Gary a jack and coke.  Gary gives the bar tender an indignant look and says to him, "what the hell man?  I asked for the happy hour special."

The bartender, bewildered but ultimately intrigued because it is Gary Busey after all, replies "but Gary, I told you what the special is.  Like it says there on the sign, the only happy hour special is jack and coke.  I gave you jack and coke."

"No," Gary argued, "you said that the special was gin and tonic."  Pointing at the sign, but not looking at it "and that sign says it's gin and tonic you dumbass.  Can't you read?"

As the bartender looks at the sign, reading in little chalk letters "Happy Hour Special: $3 Jack and Cokes," he is starting to feel the irritation build up, especially since Gary insulted his intelligence.  I know I said Jack and Coke, he thought to himself.  Mustering up the will to remain cordial, as he wants Gary's continued business, the bartender answers "of course I can read, Gary.  The sign clearly says 'Jack and Coke.'  Did you read the sign?  Did you listen to me when I said 'Jack and Coke'?"

Gary immediately becomes incensed.  "How dare you insult my intelligence.  Of course I read the sign, and of course I listened to you.  The sign clearly says 'Jack and Coke,' and that's what you told me.  But you've given me a gin and tonic."

Unable to hold back his irritation, the bartender barks "I didn't fucking give you a gin and tonic.  It's a Jack and Coke.  It doesn't even look like a gin and tonic.  You asked me what the special was, I told you Jack and Coke.  You asked me to give you the special, so I gave you a Jack and Coke.  First you claimed that I told you the wrong special, and then you admitted that I told you the right special.  Now you're claiming that I gave you the wrong drink.  If you taste it, you will see that it's clearly a Jack and Coke, which is the special today."

Gary gives the bartender an obstinate look, but tastes the drink anyway.  It's clearly a Jack and Coke, and the bartender can tell that Gary realizes this.  Gary takes a moment to formulate a response.  The bartender looks at him with a hint of satisfaction, because he knows he's proven Gary wrong, but he is met with disappointment.  Gary looks at him and says "well I don't understand why you're getting so upset and insulting me.  I asked for a Jack and Coke, and you gave me a Jack and Coke.  Now you're insulting me and telling me that the special is Jack and Coke."

At this point, the bartender is in disbelief.  He's unsure whether Gary is just messing with him or if Gary has completely lost his mind.  The bartender, seething with rage at Gary's impertinence, collects himself long enough to make a final plea.  "Gary," he says, "I never once said that gin and tonic was the special.  From the very beginning, I said that Jack and Coke is the special.  I even showed you the sign that says so.  When you asked for the special, I gave it to you.  At no point did I say 'gin and tonic is the special.'  At no point did the sign ever list 'gin and tonic is the special.'  And at no point did I ever give you a gin and tonic.  So what is your problem?"

"My problem," a visibly perturbed Gary Busey replied, "is that you can't take yes for an answer."

The bartender, seeing that he was not going to get anywhere with Gary Busey, simply served him his drink, and walked away to help the other customers.  Surely, he thought, not everyone in this bar is a moron who can't admit when he's wrong and changes an argument in a desperate attempt to always be right.


Anonymous said...

You are a very interesting guy; you are the reason that people do not normally do their own websites.
Please try and be a reasonable guy; instead of someone who really really likes drugs

Jack Camwell said...

Please try to be someone who understands allegory and can take a little bit of humor.