Monday, July 30, 2012

Dumbass Idea of the Week: Olympic Games Intensity

So I found some pictures of the "table tennis" players at the 2012 London Olympics, and I thought it'd be funny to show just how intense a match of ping-pong can be.  Enjoy!


"I'm gonna eat your ping-poing balls with some
fava beens and a nice bottle of keyante."

"I really shouldn't have had that curry last night."

Lemme see your war face!!!


"Maybe I should have stuck to curling . . ."

I'll leave this one to your imagination.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Me On Yahoo! shit: Check out my article

It's just a short blurb about negative campaign ads.  I wrote it under the guise of being an "undecided voter," and apparently they took the bait.

See for yourself.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Bacon Eaters

Most of you believe in God only because not believing in God would make you feel like your lives aren't special.  If tomorrow we proved that God didn't exist, how many of you would lose all hope in everything?  How many of you would suddenly feel the weight of your own insignificance?  And you are insignificant.  In the grand scheme of the universe, each life on this planet is like a single grain of all the Earth's sand combined.

You believe in God because it makes you feel less alone.  It makes you feel special because some OOB (omni-omni being) created you and loves you unconditionally.  When your life sucks, you comfort yourself with some notion of paradise and being eternally rewarded for your mortal suffering.  You believe in God because you must--because you lack the intellectual capacity to make your life meaningful in spite of its insignificance.

Gun control is no different.  You fools crying for more gun control are so deluded it's mind boggling.  You fools think that the law is going to save you.  Regulations and statutes will stop the madness!  Last I checked, murder is against the law, and that doesn't seem to stop people from murdering.  And guess what: guns are the least of your problem.  Explosives will definitely kill more than 12 people at once.

But go ahead.  Keep telling yourselves that more regulations will stop the killing.  You need to believe that, because to believe otherwise would be giving in to your own fear.  It's not easy to admit just how hopeless it all is.  It's uncomfortable to accept the fact that there really is nothing you can do except own a gun and defend yourself, or just pray that the crazies aren't coming for you.

And the NCAA sanctions.  The public cried for blood.  You demanded your pound of flesh, and the NCAA gave it to you.  They punished the Penn State administration, they punished the student athletes, and more importantly they punished Joe Pa beyond the grave somehow.  The best part is that you idiots gobbled it up.

You gobble up whatever you're told to gobble up.  About 60 years ago, society was convinced that bacon is the pinnacle of culinary delights, and for 60 years you've been gorging yourself on it.  Bacon.  It's fatty, it's salty, and damn it's tasty.  What they didn't tell you is that bacon is incredibly bad for your health, and that for 60 years you've been slowly killing yourselves.

Guys like me come along, guys who got a taste of filet mignon and rejected bacon.  We try to show you that you don't have to stick with bacon.  We try to convince you that you deserve better, but you won't listen.  Because bacon is SO good.  "THIS is living," you reply as you stuff a big wad of pig belly down your gullets.

They've convinced you that the guys offering you filet mignon are "crazy."  We're just "fringe wackoes."  We're just self-important pseudo-philosophers.  We're what your overlords call "idealists."  You buy that line of bullshit, too, because that allows you to maintain whatever worldview that allows you to sleep better at night.

The Bacon Eaters are those who reject reality in order to spare themselves from the pain of the lucid view.  You believe what you're told to believe whether it's Michael Moore or Rush Limbaugh.  You believe whatever you read whether it's the New York Times or the Bible.  You buy statistics that support your beliefs, but reject statistics that contradict your beliefs--because any statistic that proves you wrong is obviously "unreliable," right?

Most of you aren't smart enough to just wake up and realize you're killing yourselves.  You'll need a heart attack to wake you up.  The sad part is that there will be plenty of people who will still eat bacon after the heart attack, even while we offer filet mignon.

So please, eat your bacon.  Eat your bacon and die so the rest of us can move on and make something better out of this shit hole of a world you've handed my generation.

Actually, what's even sadder than that is that eventually, they'll convince you that dog meat is actually way better than bacon.  Soon enough, dog meat will be the pinnacle of civilization, and filet mignon will be the new utopia.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Dumbass Idea of the Week: Molesting Penn State

Okay, so here's the thing.  There's really little point to the NCAA sanctions against Penn State, because what happened at Penn State was not a football issue.  It was a legal issue.

Penn State has been given a $60 million fine, they've vacated their wins all the way back to 1998, and they've banned them for 4 years.

Here's why this is stupid: even if Joe Paterno did help cover up the Sandusky thing, there is absolutely NO REASON to punish the young men, the football players, for something they had no control of and probably didn't even fucking know about.

This is going to hurt Penn State for a long time, and the sanctions take away from a lot of blood, sweat, and tears that the former PSU players put into that program.  This goes beyond being unfair: it is wholly unjust.  This would be like firing all the employees of JP Morgan Chase after the bad trading scandal because of the actions of one man.

Whatever decisions Joe Paterno may have made (go actually read the Freeh Report, and you'll see that there is zero evidence that even comes close to proving he tried to cover it up) those decisions had absolutely nothing to do with football.

The NCAA is doing this because they're playing the game of public oppinion.  They knew that if they didn't come down on PSU, they would face a lot of public flak and uproar.  Why?  Because the public is retarded.  "Oh well, it's because Paterno had too much power, and that's wrong!  It's because we worship football!"

Bullshit.  Get your heads out of your asses.  If you were in the PSU administrators' position, would you have cowered under the shadow of Paterno?  Probably not, or at least you hope you wouldn't.  At least, that's what everyone is saying, that they would have stood up to him.  So if you believe that you would have stood up against the almighty evil Paterno, why would you assume that they didn't?

"Because they did nothing Jack!"  You're right, they did nothing.  But it wasn't because of Paterno.  They did nothing because they wanted to save the reputation of PSU.  Their decisions were theirs alone.  If Paterno wanted them to be careful, if he urged caution, then it was only because he wanted to protect the victims (he actually is on record as having said that in 1998 or so).

That's what's wrong with this country: you fools want your pound of flesh, and you don't give a shit who you get it from.  All you want is to feel better about everything so you can sleep at night.  You want to know that "justice" has been served so you don't have to face the horrifying truth that everything is NOT alright.

Sorry to wake you.  Go back to sleep.  You'll be able to eat your freshly cooked bacon* in the morning.

*I will be making a post titled "Bacon Eaters," in the very near future.  Sorry for taking a break from religion, but some rather important shit has come to light that needed addressing.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

An Address to Gun Control Morons

I was reading Crooks and Liars this morning because I knew, in my heart of hearts, that they would use the tragedy of the Aurora, CO shooting to make some political grandstand on the necessity for gun control laws.  Sure enough, those idiots were all trumpetting the great failure of American society and politicians in keeping guns out of the hands of psychopaths.

One guy made a statement that created a perfect moment to smash their narrowsighted logic.  The poster said "anybody at any time can walk up and blow you away because it's so easy to buy a gun."

Here is what I said in reply:

"Anyone can walk up and stab you because it's so easy to buy a knife.  Anyone can set a house on fire because it's so easy to buy some gasoline and some matches.

"Anyone can poison you because it's so easy to buy anything that is even remotely poisonous.

"You all think that it's so hard to buy a gun off the grid.  For some bizarre reason you think that gun control would stop a man like this guy.  He spent MONTHS planning this, stockpiling everything.  The guy was in a PhD program for neuroscience, so he was clearly very intelligent.

"Do you think something like an assault rifle ban would have kept one out of his hands?  Do you really think any sort of gun control would have somehow prevented him from making all of the explosives and booby traps he had in his apartment?

"What you're failing to realize is that even if by some slim chance that gun control laws would have prevented him from shooting up the theater, he would have found other, potentially more devestating ways, to wreak the havoc that he committed himself to.

"What puts a complete foil on your cries for more gun control?  The fact that it's so easy to circumvent those laws.  Right this very moment I could call a guy who knows a guy that can get me a gun off the grid.  Not that I would do such a thing, because I'm a law-abiding citizen.  I don't even have any dealings with unsavory types, I just know how easily I could get what I needed if ever I went off the deep end . . .

". . . because it's that easy.  Gun control laws won't stop the bad guys from killing good people.  Use logic for just a second.  Do you really think that a person who makes the decision to break the law--in this case deciding to gun down a bunch of people in a movie theater--is really going to be stopped by a law that says he can't own a gun?

"Nope.  He'll find a way to circumvent the law.  Perhaps your gun control laws would slow him down.  So instead of shooting up everyone at the Dark Knight Rises premier, he would have done it maybe 2 months from now.

"The truth is that there's little you can do to stop this kind of stuff from happening.  We are all at the mercy of the goodness of others.  All you can do is pray that most people are not horrible enough to go off the deep end like this guy.

"So advocate whatever gun control laws you want.  If that helps you sleep better at night, then good for you.  But seriously, stop kidding yourselves."  B/T

So there you have it.  Perhaps we should ban all knives everywhere.  Maybe we should ban gasoline and amonium nitrate.  Matches can definitely get in the wrong hands, so you have to show ID and wait for 45 days while Giant Eagle does a background check on you to make sure that you won't do anything nefarious with the matches.

Some idiot tried to tell me that there haven't been mass murders with knives.  Apparently, Jeffery Dahmer's 17 victims shouldn't be considered as victims of a "mass murder."  I guess all that matters is that it's a bunch of people getting killed all at once.  Murdering and cannibalizing 17 people, without a gun, over a period of time just doesn't seem to register apparently.

Friday, July 20, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises Review: Not the ending we needed, but the one we deserved

I promise, there won't be any spoilers in this review, so fear not if you haven't already seen the movie.  I will most likely write a more in depth analysis in a few weeks once I can be reasonably sure that most people have gone to see it.

Well, director Christopher Nolan definitely raised the stakes for Gotham City in this final installment of his run at Batman, and it paid off pretty well in my opinion. What struck me the most was how well the plot was crafted.  I've seen a lot of critics say that the plot was convoluted, but if you just watch it all unfold, Bane's plan becomes apparent, and the pieces fall together wonderfully.

Poor Tom Hardy.  He had a tough act to follow, standing on the shoulders of that giant created by the late Heath Ledger.  There were parts in the film where I would have liked Bane's voice to be clearer through the mask, but he was perfectly clear for most of the film.  Nolan's Bane is no Joker, but if you really pay attention and think about it, he is far more complex than some people are saying.

Sure, Bane is an uncompromising brute, and that's putting it lightly.  He's an absolute menace who will kill anyone to achieve his ultimate goal.  One thing he shares in common with Ledger's Joker is that he is very comfortable with killing, but he doesn't do it just to prove an intellectual point.

Everyone says that the Joker was all about chaos, but he wasn't.  The Joker set out to show the citizens of Gotham that deep down they were just as twisted and awful as he.  Why?  Because he found enjoyment in it.  Bane is wholly different.  He doesn't want to show the citizens of Gotham that they are horrible: he wants to kill them all. 

His eyes appear to be emotionless at times, but that's part of the character.  Bane is so comfortable with what he's doing, so confident in what he believes to be his inevitable success, that he's almost entirely detatched from any emotion that we would recognize as human.  Up until the end of the film, in Bane's mind he has already won, and you can see that just by the way he walks.

Bale does an excellent job as a tortured Bruce Wayne.  Both physically and emotionally broken, he dons the cape and cowl out of a sense of duty to Gotham, if a bit suicidal.  He symbolizes an undying hope in the ultimate goodness of man, and as Batman he is that watchful protector who never gives up on someone, even if he feels he may have little chance of saving them.

So why is this not the movie we need?  Well, although the film ends on a more positive note than The Dark Knight, it's still a fairly grim ride until the end.  What fans needed was closure to the Joker.  What we needed was Heath Ledger to get back into the face paint and somehow add some insanity to the brutality doled out copiously by Bane.  But sadly, we know that it could not be so.

But this is the ending we deserve, because it provides us closure to the central question of Nolan's trilogy: what would happen in the real world if someone turned into an incredibly powerful masked vigilante?  The Dark Knight Rises answers that question.  Bane completely bests Batman in nearly every way, and to think that Batman was the alpha male of the whole planet was silly.

There is always someone out there who embodies everything we detest.  There will always be at least one person in this world that wants to break you completely in mind, body, and soul; and if given the chance, they most assuredly would break you.

The world is a horrifying place, but we can't stop fighting for it.  It takes sacrifice and unwaivering commitment to keep people safe and to make sure that justice is done.  That's what we need in this age.  We need to look deep inside ourselves and find that hope that we've been missing for so long.

Nolan's Batman is the personification of that unending hope.  Even people like me still have it, or at least we want to have hope.  We want to believe that everything is still worth fighting for because we deserve better.  Nolan and his cast and crew gave us what we deserve: a reminder that hope is only lost when we decide to give up.  If we never give up, then hope can never be lost.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Dumbass Idea of the Week: Keeping a Corpse

Actually, I don't know if this woman deserves my pity or my ridicule.  Linda Chase lost her boyfriend, Charles Zigler over a year and a half ago.  What's the problem?  She never reported it, and she kept the corpse in his favorite chair.

As if that wasn't creepy enough, she said that she would actually watch television with the corpse, NASCAR to be precise.  Holy shit, right?!

What makes this even more sad is her reasoning for keeping his corpse around.  She said that he was "the only guy that was ever nice to [her]."  Sad right?  And oh-by-the-way, she was collecting his social security checks for a while.


Saturday, July 14, 2012

2. There is Universal Truth.

The Church of Camwell will likely be accused of being relativist, but that could not be further from the truth.  The Church of Camwell believes that Universal Truth exists.

Universal Truth is something that is true for all people, in all times, all places and all cultures.  Part of the case for Universal Truth can be explained in this logically fallacious statement: there is no universal truth.  Simply by uttering that phrase, you are admitting that there is a universal truth: that there is no universal truth.  You then might say, "well that's the only Universal Truth that exists."  Well, you're wrong by even saying that because that statement is another Universal Truth.

You basically state that there are infinite Universal Truths, because you say that there is no universal truth, and that is the only universal truth.  But then you must say, "there are two universal truths: that there is no Universal Truth, and that is the only Universal Truth."  But in that instance, you have three Universal Truths.  Get it?

If you're a relativist, then just run through all of those logical loop holes.  You would have to say that maybe universal truth exists in some places, but not in others.  That's impossible, because a Universal Truth must exist in all places and times, or else it is not universal.

The positive basis for Universal Truth is the notion of reason.  Reason is man's understanding of the world around him.  The best way this can be demonstrated is by the concept of mathematics.  We know that there are laws of nature, and mathematics conform to those laws.  If an architect hopes to construct a structurally sound building that doesn't collapse, then the better hope that the math is done correctly.  Mathematics is man's construct for understanding the laws of nature and existence, and our ability to use that to our advantage lets us know that there is Universal Truth.

The proof that mathematics is true is because we have been able to use it in the world.  There are universal laws of physics and nature that apply everywhere, for everyone, and in every time.

Since there are Universal Truths in nature, it would stand to reason that there are also Universal Truths in morality.  Just as there are laws of physics that reign true everywhere, there are laws of morality that govern the universe.

Let's take slavery for example.  For a long time, humans justified slavery as a right of conquest.  During the 18th and 19th Century, many Americans used the Bible to justify slavery.  In fact, the bible does not condemn slavery while it outright condemns other institutions.  This indicates either acceptance or indifference.  However, we know that slavery is wrong.  Slavery was never morally permissible, no matter how prevalent it once was.  Just because slavery was a "reality of that time," doesn't make it any more morally permissible.

Slavery is wrong.  It was wrong in 5,000 BC, it's wrong now, and it will be wrong in 3492 AD.

We know in our hearts that there are things that are immoral.  Even psychopaths understand the concept of morality even though they are physically incapable of feeling guilt.  It does not take a Bible or any other religious text to know what is morally good.  All it takes is some rational thought.  The one universal moral truth that all humans should agree on is that it is wrong to maliciously harm another sentient being.

The last thing we should mention about Universal Truth is the fact that we may never discover it in its fullness.  The evolution of ideas constantly leads us to a more perfect understanding of Truth, but it is likely that humanity may never discover it in its entirety.  The goal of every human should be to discover Truth in its fullness

Friday, July 13, 2012

1. There is a Creator.

When thinking about the origin of all things, you should inevitably arrive at one question that is unanswerable: how did existence come into existence?

That is the basis for the belief in a Creator in the Church of Camwell.  It is reasonable to believe that physical existence exists because something made it exist.  That something, God to some, is impossible to fully comprehend because it's existence lies beyond the capabilities of human perception.  The Creator probably doesn't even really exist as an entity in the sense that we understand the concept of an entity.

It could be that God is an energy force, or maybe simply a consciousness.  The Church of Camwell believes that it's pretty futile to even bother with debating the nature of the Creator's existence, but we do believe that the Creator left its indellible mark on creation.

The Church of Camwell rejects the notion of the Adam and Eve story.  The world we know today is a result of aeons of development and evolution.  That's what makes us so special: all of that chaos bore out this single moment in time.

It's possible that "intelligent design" exists, but that is also somewhat futile to discuss.  We can say that there is some basis for that given that the Creator left its mark on existence.  We know that there are universal laws of physics, time, and space; and just as well we know that there are universal laws of morality.  We know that reason exists, because reason is merely the ability to understand the order or disorderliness of things.

There is some structure amongst the chaos, so it's not all that unreasonable to believe in intelligent design.  But when you ask yourself "how" or "to what extent" this design goes, that's where we are at a loss.  It could be that the Creator is the master chess player, creating the basis for existence knowing that the conditions and laws created would bear the fruit of meaningful life.

Most major religions believe in what I like to call an Omni-Omni Being (All-powerful, -knowing, -present, basically an all-everything being), or Oob for short.  Yes, Oob is meant to sound a little goofy, because above everything else, the Church of Camwell never takes itself too seriously.

It is very possible for the Creator to be an Oob, as the Creator exists outside this physical existence.  It would stand to reason that the Creator of our processes has control over these processes.  Be that as it may, if the Creator is an Oob, then the Church of Camwell believes that this Oob does not interfere with the machinery of existence.

We limited humans are capable of reason and rationality ergo an Oob, who does not share our temporal limitations, would most certainly be capable of reason and rationality.  An Oob would most likely have perfect reason and rationality, considering that this existence is the creation of the Oob.

That serves as the basis for the Oob's love for us.  We know what it's like to love our children.  Our children are our little creations, and we (for the most part) love them unconditionally.  The Oob loves its creation unconditionally and equally.  Therefore, the Oob does not grant us our requests.  The Oob does not interfere with anything in the universe, because the greatest degree of power is being able to resist using one's unlimited power.

Suffice to say, the Creator, or Oob if you will, does not exist as some "spooky father figure" as the Anonymous Howard Beale likes to say.  There is no puppeteer in space pulling all the strings.  It is reasonable to believe, however, that the physical realm came into existence by the will of some ethereal force.  Whether that force is an energy or an Oob is always up to debate. 

The members of the Church of Camwell are encouraged to have faith in whatever conception of the Creator they choose to have, so long as they do not try to hold that Creator to the bounds of human understanding.  For example, an Oob would never be jealous, hypocritical, or conniving.  Just as you would never trick your child into harm, just so you could then damn your child to eternal torture, an Oob would never do that to its beloved creation.

We also must conclude that an Oob would not interfere with the lives of humans.  We exist for a reason, perhaps because an Oob wants us to experience what living is truly like.  So if an Oob were to interfere with life, then it would be altering the experience which would ultimately defeat the purpose of our existence in the first place.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Credo: The Gate May be Straight, but the Way Is Not So Narrow

The purpose of creating the Church of Camwell is to give people a viable and reasonable atlernative to the major world religions of today.  Although I hope this benefits all peoples in all places, the Church of Camwell will mostly appeal to those who see the hypocrisy, logical fallacies, and blatant contradictions that exist in the organized religions of today.

Much of the ideas found in the Church of Camwell are not original ideas.  You will find that the Church of Camwell borrows from thousands of years of human philosophy and religion.  So don't be surprised if you find yourself agreeing with some of the beliefs we espouse.

There is no ritual in this Church, nor is there any such thing as an ordained minister.  There is no notion of evangelism because the Church of Camwell does not actively seek membership, nor is there any concept of conversion.  We do not ask for your allegience, and we don't even ask that you renounce the religious heritage that you identify with.

All we ask is that you keep an open mind and engage in the discussion.  The only ritual in this curch is discussion itself: rational discussion that is not interested in rivals trying to prove each other wrong, but rather men and women in fellowship together engaging in the discovery of Universal Truth.  Since rational discussion is meant for all peoples in all times, that means everyone is able to partake in the ritual without special qualification or credential.

Should the Church of Camwell become a legitimate movement with me as its leader, I make my solemn vow that any moneys that are ever donated to the Church of Camwell will be given back to the community and donated to worthy charitable causes.  I, Jack Camwell, will never keep even one single penny for myself.  I will only consider taking donations if in the future we grow to a point where our members collectively can make a tangible contribution to society.

There are 5 basic beliefs that define the core of the Church of Camwell:

1.  There is a Creator.

2.  There is Universal Truth.

3.  No single text has all the answers.

4.  Doubt strengthens Faith.

5.  We must be good and do good.

L. Ron Hubbard
This guy might be crazy, but I'm not.
Over the next week, I will post articles that address each of these 5 core beliefs.  But for right now we will briefly expound upon the Church of Camwell's single sentence credo: The gate may be straight, but the way is not so narrow.

This is a play on a verse found in Matthew's Gospel in the New Testament of the King James Version of the Bible.  The verse reads "Straight is the gate, and narrow is the way" (Matthew 7:14).  The notion is that there is only one way into heaven, and it's incredibly specific.

Here in the Church of Camwell, we believe that if indeed there is a heaven, an all-loving God would not have created humans to be so doubtful and thoughtful if he knew that 99% of them would never make it into heaven because of their "flawed" beliefs.  So the idea is that the path to heaven, if such a place even exists, is pretty wide.

There is a lot of good found in rival religions.  We don't believe that "anything goes."  The gate is straight indeed, because being a good person is paramount.  However, the road to Salvation is not based on the ideas of one single religion.  So in the Church of Camwell, Jesus provides a route to Salvation that is just as legitimates as Mohammed's which is just as legitimate as Sidhartha Gautama's path.

This is not a rationalization to make ourselves feel better.  This idea is based in logic.  If God loves all of us dearly, and wants us all to be happy forever, then why would God make the path to Him so narrow?  If you have a child, imagine that you have the chance to decide whether or not your child is allowed to spend eternity with you in paradise. 

How would you make that decision?  What sort of qualifications would you make?  Would your child have to have refrained from alcohol all his life?  Would you require that your child worship you?  Would your child have to be heterosexual?  Would your child have to do everything you say and completely submit to your will?

We all know your answer to each of those questions: no.  You love your children, and you would never condemn them to an eternity of torture simply because they didn't listen to you, especially if they lived decent lives.  You would allow them to spend eternity in bliss with you, because you love them and want them to be happy, regardless of their flaws.  The Church of Camwell believes that this is how God feels about humanity.  He loves us intensely, just as parents love their children.

So chew on that while you await the explication of our core beliefs.

The Church of Camwell

A few days ago, Silverfiddle over at Western Hero challenged me to create my own religion.  He said this because I reject some of the things said in the Bible.  Apparently, the only way one can be a Christian is to take everything in the Bible (at least everything that "scholars" and "theologians" have told us to take),  otherwise, you're not a Christian.

So I'm going to take him up on that challenge.  I'm going to create a new religion.  Right now I'm calling it "The Church of Camwell," simply for lack of anything else better to call it.  I really don't want the religion to bear my name (even though it is, in fact, a pseudonymn) because that would be a bit too much, to be honest.

My religion won't be about me, or any one person.  It will be about the collective of humanity and much of the wisdom that we have gained over the milennia.

My religion will be based on reason and logic, but it will allow for faith.  My religion will be all about being honest with ourselves, and it will take into account our limited perception on existence.

I'm not a demagogue, nor am I trying to become one.  All I am is a man who is becoming fed up, not with religion, but fed up with the morons that follow some of the major world religions.  This experiment might seem crazy or doomed to fail, but mind you, all of you naysayers: Joseph Smith and L. Ron Hubbard basically did the same thing, and their religions are actually fucking crazy.

My shit won't be crazy.  In fact, it will make more sense than what religion currently has to offer, and if anything it will strengthen people's spirituality and faith in the unknown on a greater, more realistic level than the current major world religions.

You will see that it will contain many peicemeal elements of the major world religions.  "That's cherry picking, Jack!"  You're fucking right it is.  Aristotle said that no one man can know everything, but humanity together can know everything.  Because every person has a different perspective on Truth, and because of that no perspective should be completely discounted.

Over the next few days, I will craft some shit that will spell out what I believe and what I think others will have an easy time believing as well (notice I didn't say "what others *should* believe").  I'll even have my own Ten Commandments (if anyone can come up with a clever name, please share).  What is important to know about my religion is that it's open to discussion and debate, so please feel free to engage me because together we can discover the answers.

The Age of Bullshit is over.  Let's start the Age of Non-Bullshit.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

The Anonymous Howard Beale: Stop Shitting on Eachother!

The Anonymous Howard Beale was kind enough to email this to me.  He posted this on Facebook (I think) and since he knows that I actively boycott Facebook, he emailed it to me.  This spoke to me, so I figured I would share.



I have one of those minds that distills information at an incredible rate, so incredible in fact I often times find myself thinking and calculating instead of acting. It is as if I am a multi-billion dollar supercomputer stuck on the shell prompt with 600,000 commands and routines at my disposal and no one at the terminal. It is an odd thing to describe, being paralyzed in a sense by my own thoughts.

Ideas a thousand times an hour, little ideas, big ideas, holy shit type of ideas... one of the recurring themes in the past year or so for me has been what is this all about? When one of my closest friends beat cancer, I know he went through a bit of a transformation. Last night another one of my oldest and closest friends damn near got killed, but luckily he was uninjured. Do we thank a Creator for this? Do we just be thankful in general?

Sadly, things like this go the other way every single day on this planet, and when they do people generally say there was a reason. I am starting to feel however that this elusive "reason" things like this happen for the better or for worse is not by design or fate. I am leaning more towards the conclusion that collectively, humanity is in control of most of these situations. Please take note I am not saying the individual person is at fault, because that is rubbish... but people as a whole contributed significantly to the outcomes of life, and of happiness or misery.

If you can assume for a moment that in fact we are in control in 99.99% of the time, then you will realize quite quickly that it would be impossible for anyone to detect the interplay between your actions or inactions and the unknown consequences of those choices. Thereby giving all of us the illusion of "fate". I know this sounds a bit like Chaos Theory, but bear with me.

Billions of years ago, a star exploded that contained the building blocks of everything and everyone that ever was or ever will be on this planet. Millions of years ago some living organism died and is now residing in the fuel tank of Air Force One. Thousands of years ago our ancestors toughed it out in an unimaginably hellish world of ignorance and survival, and you reading this today is the most recent result of their hardship. Hundreds of years ago people decided to finally explore the world, and now today we are irrevocably changed by this. Ten's of years ago, people were focused on the most efficient and devastating ways of destroying other people, and today we are focused on the most efficient and devastating ways to destroy resources.

A few years ago, people in general had no idea what the internet was, today you can't go through modern life without it referenced a dozen times. A year ago, the Standard Model wasn't 100% validated, today it pretty much is. A month ago you could of had a bad day at work or at school, but today it doesn't matter. A week ago you could have interacted in a small way with someone, but today you can't even remember their name. Yesterday someone was here amongst us, alive, all of their life experiences and memories intact and today, they are not, and gone with them forever is their unique talents, perspective, imagination and personality.

You see it doesn't really matter how you slice it or rationalize it, this ride we all are on has an ending. The lap bars of the rollercoaster will eventually unlock and you will be finished, your trip through the twists, turns, loops, laughs, tears, pain, joy, fright, and thrills of life over. No do overs, no take backs, no reset switch, no backup battery. Realize that everything we do as a species and as a people, drives us either towards substance or oblivion. The choices we make right now is setting the stage and writing the script to the next age of humanity as it was written and set for us.

tl:dr version: Stop being part of the fucking problem.

Be considerate, be thoughtful, mindful, aware and responsible for your actions and the foreseeable effects they have.

We can't stop all the shit from happening, but we can at least choose to not shit on each other.

Stop believing some higher power is acting like Geppetto and has some deathgrip on the puppet strings of our world.

Start believing instead in your own ability and will, and of the power of those around you.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Betraying Partisan Hackery: Is that such a bad thing?

This is what happens, Larry, when you're a partisan hack!
"Betrayal," seems to be the order of the day in the hearts and minds of many conservatives.  Of course I speak of Chief Justice John Roberts' vote to uphold the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA).

"What the hell are you talking about, Jack?  The Supreme Court ruled on Obamacare.  What is this PPACA crap you're talking about?"  Well, hypothetical nay-sayer, that was obviously a very purposeful choice of words on my part, because I believe that jives with the spirit of this post.  I refuse to call it Obamacare in this article because I'm not a partisan hack.

"But Jack, Obamacare is terrible!"  Sure, it might be terrible, but that doesn't mean that we have to buy into the politics of the matter.  I don't like the idea of an individual mandate as much as the next person, but calling the PPACA "Obamacare" is simply a tactic designed to further polarize people.  Just as thoughtcrime had a very specific connotation in Nineteen Eighty-Four (required reading, in my opinion, for anyone with half a brain) Obamacare carries with it not just a simple idea. 

It's not just meant to identify the Healthcare Reform Bill that Obama touted, but it is charged with very specific attitudes.  When the word is mentioned in the presence of most Conservatives, it immediately sparks less than amorous feelings in them.  Just as NEWSPEAK was a tool for control in Orwell's fictitious Oceania, these political buzzwords are tools for control in America.  Don't believe it?  Walk into a room full of Republicans, say "Obamacare," and see what happens.

Guess which one represents Roberts.
I know that many of you have already been snowed, because you're saying that John Roberts somehow betrayed you, or conservatism, or Republican values, or some other thing that is ultimately unimportant.  So basically, because John Roberts used his brain and came to a rational, informed decision that happens to contradict your beliefs, that somehow means he has betrayed everything that is good and right.

In some circles, free thought amounts to betrayal I guess.

He was right to do what he did because he proved that the Supreme Court doesn't have to be some ridiculous game of partisan rock-paper-scissors.  The Supreme Court should be filled with people who will rule according to the law, not according to how they personally feel.

I realize that they all say that, and we can say that they rule according to their interpretation of the law.  But John Roberts proved that interpretation of the law doesn't have to fall down strict partisan lines.  There's a reason that the Justices serve for life and are appointed rather than elected: so that they can judge the laws based on the Constitution, not based on how the people want them to judge.  The nature of their office allows them to make the unpopular choices.

The Founding Fathers knew what they were doing when they created the Supreme Court, because they realized that not all parts of the government should be susceptible to the whims of the people.  "The People," are often functionally retarded and easily swayed by demagoguery and unicorn dust, so it's easy to divide them amongst themselves along partisan lines.  John Roberts demonstrated  why the Supreme Court exists: to be a counterbalance to popuar opinion.

You can be mad all you want that his decision didn't fall in line with your beliefs, but the only thing he betrayed was partisan hackery.  That's a *good* thing.  Yes, it sucks that we have to put up with the prospect of an individual mandate and all that stuff, but we'll manage.  Here's a thought: maybe instead of just whining about it we engage in meaningful discussion and debate on how to make this work?

Fat chance, I know.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Happy Independence Day!!!

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

I think these are powerful words that ring true for all people in all ages.  These timeless, immortalized words quickly sum up the reason for our existence, and the purpose of all man-kind's endeavors:  to be free.  What it means to be free has many different layers that have been expounded upon in volomes of texts, written by men and women with far greater intellect than mine.

So it should suffice to say that being free means that we're not bound to the shackles of hopelessness, emptiness, and misery.  No man who is a slave can ever be happy, because a slave is not permitted to live his life as he sees fit.  The sad thing is that we're all slaves in some way.  Some of us are slaves to our desires and passions.  Others are slaves to their own minds, trapped in their stubborn, narrow perspectives of the world.

So on Indepedence Day we should all ask ourselves one of the most important questions a person can introspectively pose: what chains bind me?

Many Americans whine and complain that we're becoming a "police state," and that we're losing our freedom.  Most Americans have no clue what it's like to have their rights violated.  As most of us take a day off of work tomorrow, don't forget that there are those who will be slaving away for their masters.

As you toss back a couple of ice cold beers, remember that some people in the world can be sent to jail for doing that.

And as we proudly watch our firework displays, being thankful that we live in a country of such wealth and leisure, just remember that we are more free than many people on this planet.  Be thankful for that freedom, and never forget that it comes at a steep price.

Never forget that some men and women paid the ultimate price for our free day-off and 4th of July barbeques.  And always remember that the day may come when you, too, have to make that sacrifice, because the price of freedom is one that is never fully paid.

Live Free or Die!

Happy Independence Day!!!
(Sorry Jersey, you can't expect me to be 100% serious)

Monday, July 2, 2012

Dumbass Idea of the Week: Russian Roulette . . . With Eggs

That pretty much speaks for itself.  Sigh, I guess people just can't help but be idiots.  If ever there was a reason for God hating us, that would be it.  Grats bros.