Wednesday, July 25, 2012
The Bacon Eaters
You believe in God because it makes you feel less alone. It makes you feel special because some OOB (omni-omni being) created you and loves you unconditionally. When your life sucks, you comfort yourself with some notion of paradise and being eternally rewarded for your mortal suffering. You believe in God because you must--because you lack the intellectual capacity to make your life meaningful in spite of its insignificance.
Gun control is no different. You fools crying for more gun control are so deluded it's mind boggling. You fools think that the law is going to save you. Regulations and statutes will stop the madness! Last I checked, murder is against the law, and that doesn't seem to stop people from murdering. And guess what: guns are the least of your problem. Explosives will definitely kill more than 12 people at once.
But go ahead. Keep telling yourselves that more regulations will stop the killing. You need to believe that, because to believe otherwise would be giving in to your own fear. It's not easy to admit just how hopeless it all is. It's uncomfortable to accept the fact that there really is nothing you can do except own a gun and defend yourself, or just pray that the crazies aren't coming for you.
And the NCAA sanctions. The public cried for blood. You demanded your pound of flesh, and the NCAA gave it to you. They punished the Penn State administration, they punished the student athletes, and more importantly they punished Joe Pa beyond the grave somehow. The best part is that you idiots gobbled it up.
You gobble up whatever you're told to gobble up. About 60 years ago, society was convinced that bacon is the pinnacle of culinary delights, and for 60 years you've been gorging yourself on it. Bacon. It's fatty, it's salty, and damn it's tasty. What they didn't tell you is that bacon is incredibly bad for your health, and that for 60 years you've been slowly killing yourselves.
Guys like me come along, guys who got a taste of filet mignon and rejected bacon. We try to show you that you don't have to stick with bacon. We try to convince you that you deserve better, but you won't listen. Because bacon is SO good. "THIS is living," you reply as you stuff a big wad of pig belly down your gullets.
They've convinced you that the guys offering you filet mignon are "crazy." We're just "fringe wackoes." We're just self-important pseudo-philosophers. We're what your overlords call "idealists." You buy that line of bullshit, too, because that allows you to maintain whatever worldview that allows you to sleep better at night.
The Bacon Eaters are those who reject reality in order to spare themselves from the pain of the lucid view. You believe what you're told to believe whether it's Michael Moore or Rush Limbaugh. You believe whatever you read whether it's the New York Times or the Bible. You buy statistics that support your beliefs, but reject statistics that contradict your beliefs--because any statistic that proves you wrong is obviously "unreliable," right?
Most of you aren't smart enough to just wake up and realize you're killing yourselves. You'll need a heart attack to wake you up. The sad part is that there will be plenty of people who will still eat bacon after the heart attack, even while we offer filet mignon.
So please, eat your bacon. Eat your bacon and die so the rest of us can move on and make something better out of this shit hole of a world you've handed my generation.
Actually, what's even sadder than that is that eventually, they'll convince you that dog meat is actually way better than bacon. Soon enough, dog meat will be the pinnacle of civilization, and filet mignon will be the new utopia.