Monday, August 13, 2012

Dumbass Idea of the Week: Naval Whoopsie Daisy

The USS Porter has accidentally collided with an oil tanker in the Straight of Hormuz.  Don't worry: everyone is okay, and the Porter is headed to Jebel Ali.  Those lucky bastards will be about 20 minutes from Dubai for a good long time, so don't think those sailors are at all in the shitter.

Why is this the dumbass idea of the week?  Well, because it was probably the idiots in the pilot house that fucked it up, probably the officer of the deck.  I mean, how the hell do you not miss an oil tanker?!

I'm allowed to be harsh, btw.  I served on a cruiser for 3 years, so I can safely say that it was probably a case of dudes being dumbasses.  Or . . . perhaps they knew they'd be holed up in Jebel Ali or Bahrain for a while?  Of course I'm kidding, but it would be kind of funny if that were the case.

When I was in the Persian Gulf, the USS Donald Cook called all-stop when they were full steam ahead.  You know what that did?  It bent one of the propeller shafts.  In that same deployment, the Donald Cook's CO was relieved of command for boinking a female QM2 (an E-5 quartermaster to you landlubbers).  The SAME fucking ship also accidentally sent some top secret keying material to a Spanish ship and shut down the TS/SCI comms for the entire 5th fleet for a week.

Fortunately, I was on the USS San Jacinto.  We had our shit straight.  But this should serve as a reminder that it's not always our best and brightest at the helm.  Actually, the one that's physically at the helm is usually some 19 year old kid just following his orders.  Giving him his orders is some 23 year old kid that graduated college a year before after playing Navy for 4 years in ROTC.  And then we trust him with the navigation of a $4 billion floating death machine.

Here's to you bridge watch of the USS Porter.  Enjoy your month living it up in Dubai.

2 comments:

Silverfiddle said...

The average civilian can't imagine the power wielded by the average 18-22 year old enlisted person.

It's a good, time-tested system, but every now and then shit happens.

KP said...

It's almost always interesting to outsiders when the curtain is pulled back (thinking of the Wizard of Oz now). Thanks for some inside scoop!