Saturday, November 24, 2012

The Big Game: The OSU-Michigan Rivalry

I was born and raised in Columbus.  I spent four years away while I was in the Navy, but I came back and I will likely reside in Columbus, OH for the rest of my life.  It's not a bad town.  It's pretty big, there are some great suburbian areas, and it's a wonderfully diverse place.  There's plenty to like about Columbus.

What I don't like, however, is the whole OSU-Michigan rivalry.

I'm a Michigan fan (GO BLUE!!!).  I don't know why, except that as a kid when I was forced to watch the OSU-Michigan game, I always rooted for Michigan because I liked the way their jerseys looked.  I probably continued to root for them even more after being ridiculed for liking them.  Yes, I was actually ridiculed.  I can't even use the phrase "was ridiculed," because I still catch flak for it to this day.  Let it be known that Buckeye fans are some of the worst, most obnoxious sports fans on the planet.

You want to talk about people who ignore reality and completely forget history?  Just talk to a Buckeye fan about OSU football.  It's the damndest thing you've ever seen.  Whenever I am told about how much better OSU is than Michigan, I always bring up the fact that the Michigan Wolverines are the all-time most-winningest team in college football.  They beat every single team on most games won, most national titles, and even in percentage of games won.  Hell, they even beat Ohio State on most Big Ten titles.

They loved shitting on me for seven years when Michigan was unable to beat OSU.  Every time I remind them of the Cooper years, they look at me as if I had just uttered a phrase in Sanskrit.  They look at me dumbfoundedly when I remind them that Coach Cooper only beat Michigan 3 or 4 times in his entire 12 years of coaching at OSU.  Then they remind me that all of that was in the past, and all that matters is the present.

Apparently, to a Buckeye fan the only past that actually does matter is all the times OSU beat Michigan--they have no problem reminding me about all of Michigan's losses to the Scarlet and Gray.

Now let me tell you about "Michigan Week."  It's a week of torture for anyone brave enough to love the Maize and Blue.  The week is filled with everyone talking about how much they hate Michigan.  They don't only hate the University of Michigan: for some reason, they all hate the entire state.  I honestly don't get why there's so much hatred towards the whole state, but for whatever reason it's enough hatred to compell them to sing "Don't Give a Damn About the Whole State of Michigan."

Now let's talk post-game.  If the Buckeye's lose, the whole town will be depressed for about a week.  It's actually kind of nice, because my family and friends will shut the hell up for a while.  But people will legit be depressed and upset.  You know how I will feel if UM loses?  I'll mostly dread the flood of "Go Bucks!" and "Michigan blows donkey balls," texts, but ultimately it won't mean much to me because Michigan's season was over after game 1.

That's because losing to Alabama meant Michigan would not have a shot at the national title this year.  I honestly don't give a shit about the big game, because all I want for my team is for them to go to the National Championship bowlgame.  OSU could lose every-single-game and Buckeye fans would still be happier than pigs in shit so long as they beat Michigan.

Rivalries are neat things, but Columbus takes it way out of hand.  I mean, how many other cities have been known to straight up start RIOTS simply because they lost their rival game?  Thanks to the Columbus Police Department and the OSU campus police, we no longer have to worry about cars being tipped over and dumpsters being set ablaze on the Saturday after Thanksgiving every year.


Anonymous said...


I think we hashed this out once, but just so we are clear: You like UM, you make it known you like UM... So essentially you are in 1940 Berlin with a great big neon sign that says "Hitler is an Asshole."

You also have apparently never been to the big house for the Buckeye game and worn Scarlet and Grey.

Lemme tell ya I have. Twice.

Trust me when I say those Wolverines are just as rabid.

KP said...

And now, to the important historical and factual data!

USC has played the most times in the Rose Bowl, with 33 appearances, followed by Michigan (20), Washington (14), and Ohio State (14).

USC has won the most Rose Bowls (24), followed by Michigan (8), Washington (7), and Ohio State (7). Michigan has lost the most (12). That's because they play USC (see below).

The most frequent Rose Bowl matchup is USC-Michigan, occurring for the eighth time in 2007, with USC holding a 6–2 advantage.

The next most frequent matchup is USC-Ohio State, occurring for the seventh time in 1985, with USC holding a 4–3 advantage.

Fanfare, Tribute To Troy, Fight On